I don't know what I've done with the past four months! Especially the past few weeks, I've been unmotivated to perpetuate my projects, study for rank or even keep myself busy; awful. It's not just my creativity, but my life all around - just a lack of motivation to do anything. It shows around the house, but not as much at work. My wife is sick of my laziness. I am, too.
I made a few songs 'round the turn of the year, compiled a few years' worth of blog posts and journal scribbles into a much more full Fluorescence blog and even recorded a minute (¡¡¡I KNOW RIGHT!!??!) of vocals to a track.
For the sake of this blog I'll call it depression, but more on the "in a funk" side than of hopelessness and despair. Never been there before, thank the Lordy! Perhaps a mild state that clouds my ambition and callous energies that come and go. As of now, they're OTL.
Where did my motivation go? I'll make it thru short-sighted ideas, but nothing of consequence on which I can build atop of for later. Yikes. Fix that sentence. Thanks.
Is it the weather? Probably not. The sun usually makes the world a better place.
Changing my work schedule? Perhaps being at home for more days at a time and having half of my days being devoted to spending time with my family, as much as I love them, keeps my selfish ambitions subdued and thus I'm less motivated overall. Meh. Perhaps a bit, but not the main cause.
Sleep probably has a lot to do with it. I regularly go to bed late and don't sleep in to make up for that. Work days are even worse as I'll still be up late. In fact, I'll bet that not having enough rest affects me more than anything else right now. That. I'll blame that for now, take it on first and get some rest and check back in. No, actually I probably won't check back in. When was the last time that I wrote here? Not the point.
Beyond that, I should just try to push something out and hope that I can get a snowball going.No no no, a terrible metaphor as Winters thaws thru the Spring towards the Summer. I'll start the melting and help the river to surge into a torrent of awesome!
Beyond that, I should just try to push something out and hope that I can get a snowball going.
So, I'll wrap this one up. Not a great entry that ties together many ideas in a ridiculously-worded grammatical noodlepile, but hey, I can say that I did something besides clicking between Facebook, Talkbass and Google News.
Aside: I was reading about Robert Fripp's idea of what King Crimson is and I found it to be very similar to that of my earlier rantings and entries about what Tanzen is/was/could be: it's somewhat an idea, maybe an attitude, but most definitely a state of mind.
